Experiments begin!

I'm off to a relatively good start, I've decided to tackling my avoidances, Last Saturday I went into a local shopping centre with two objectives, I wanted to buy a book and also get my son's feet measured.

So experiment one was to go in to the book store and ask for a "book on memory techniques". I had no problems, kept Eye contact, was perfectly fluent, the shop assistant checked for a book and even though they didn't have any she recommended anything by Tony Buzan, I took the opportunity to repeat what she had said, "what was that name again? Tony Buzan?" not a hitch.

The second experiment proved a little tougher, on the first attempt I walked into a packed shoe shop, full of mothers sitting around chatting and waiting for the same thing, this in any man's day would be stressful, so I walked out. Not to be put off I regained me composure and walked back in after a couple of minutes, this time I had no bother!. My preparation in thinking about my body language and keeping myself open and with a smile definitely helped.

Reading the blog
This was a lot tougher, I set up the camcorder and printed out the blog, pressed record and BAM not a fecking word I had one of the worst blocks in ages, probably longer than 30 - 40 seconds. I do get though it and relaxed, when I watched it back I've picked up on one or two things that I avoided and how that looked on camera. I also did a piece at the end just ad libbing and was very fluent in that piece. Doing it in front of people though (namely my wife) will be my real goal, She thinks I over analyze my speech too much, I know I don't and getting over the awkward feelings of reading this on camera in front of her will be a real challenge.

I’ll have a stammer and a pint of inadequately please

This might be a strange place to start my blog but I guess its as good as any. Over the holidays my father in law passed away, This for anyone is a hard time to get though, and I wish I could have been there more for my wife than what I was, I comforted her when she needed it, shouldered the coffin and shook hands with everyone offering condolences. But the truth be told I could have done much more had it not been for my stammer.

When it came to making phone calls to the funeral home, friends and family, I was on a scale of one to ten, probably a four or lower, I could see from her face that it was hard enough without having to sit there waiting for me to ask questions of the funeral director while I struggled to get the words out. In the end she’d take the phone or I’d just hand it over and go into another room. I knew what to ask or say, or maybe I didn’t but the point is that I couldn’t get the words out. Don’t get me wrong I can appear relatively fluent to most people most of the time but using avoidances but if it comes to a situation I can’t avoid, I stammer.

Iceberg dead ahead...
I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that there is no one factor, but a number of things that I’m going to have to work hard on to overcome and perfect methods to deal with them. Yes I have a stammer/stutter call it what you will, it is a condition that makes it difficult for me to speak sometimes, to tackle this I’m going to have to use breathing and soft contact techniques to enable me to get over words that I stammer on. Below the surface of my iceberg there is a whole raft of emotions going on that I will need to deal with one by one. The problem I’m going to have is keeping motivated and focused on the tasks I need to set myself and not allow myself get distracted along the way.

If I begin to scratch the surface I can admit to feeling inadequate or unprepared for the situation I find myself in, It can be triggered by anything, the anticipation of a difficult word, the body language of the person I am about to speak to, bad memories of a similar situation in the past.


Defining success (fluency)
This needs to be my starting point, If I don’t know where I want to get to how can I plan to get there? Success for me would be getting rid of the negative feelings that have been a part of me and my stammer (my stammer and I!) for all these years.

Success for me will be when…
The day comes that I can write in this blog and feel that I have had a day where I did not feel the negative feelings about my speech, not even once, To be able to read this blog aloud to my wife and not having the feelings of worry or impending panic because I can see a word that I used fear. Not fearing or avoiding any words.


What I need to succeed.
Airflow & soft contacts technique
I was thought this when I attended speech therapy years ago as a teenager, it it worked wonders because I used it.

Positive mental attitude
Ah the old cliché! But to be honest this is what I need, to realize that in every situation I find myself in I can have all the tools, techniques and attitudes I need to be fluent.

Commitment to tackle avoidances
If I’m going to succeed I need to break the habit of a lifetime and tackle head on all the avoidances I have, everything from not keeping eye contact to avoiding saying “Quarter pounder” and pointing at the board in McDonalds.

Support
I’m not going to be able to do this without the support of my family, This means talking to them about my stammer. This is one big avoidance in itself, and should make for good reading!!


How am I going to succeed?
Experiment
Committing to one experiment a day. These experiments will be with specific objectives and goals to be achieved and giving me honest feedback to myself and looking for feedback from others. This is where you, Joe public can help. Since I’m guessing that most people that read this will be fellow stammerers I need you to suggest situations that you find difficult to speak in, if I can use this as a benchmark I can monitor my progress.

Practice
I’m going to practice my speech by reading this blog aloud once complete. Video it and watch it back once a week. As well as that I’m going to find out about me local toastmaster club and join, should be a good measure of my iceberg.

Feedback
From you, myself, my friends and family. To use another cliché, What gets measured, gets managed.

Here’s to great 2008
Thanks for taking the time to read this, any comments would be greatly received.