The interview – The one I didn’t expect.

When I first sent of my CV I was aiming for jobs that I knew I could get but didn’t really want as I already have a very good job, Sounds a bit crazy I know but I wanted the experience of doing interviews and getting over all my fears of stammering in an interview situation.

Then about two weeks ago I got a call from a guy in an agency saying he had a job that he thought I should apply for, I spoke for about 20 minutes on the phone to him and monitored my speech and what I would call behavioral ticks such as covering my face when I was under pressure or keeping my hand on my head as if I was in panic mode when I stammer. That call went ok and I thought that would be the end of it (As the job was a very senior management role which I didn’t think I’d get near.)

Then last week I get a call back from the same guy asking me to attend an interview with the company, Surprised, I agreed. Straight away all the usual thoughts came rushing through my head, “How will I introduce myself” “How will I talk about my current role” “what if I stammer, what if I implode in front of these people and blow my chances.”

Here’s the thing though, I now have a new voice in my head telling me I’ll be fine, Relax, You can nail this if you prepare. I read a very good post from one of the guys on stutteringforums.com which said that he decided “not to give his stammer centre stage in his life anymore” and that is exactly what I have done. Instead of worrying about my speech, I prepared for the interview.

How I prepared
I started by getting hold of sample questions that I knew I could be asked, and recorded myself asking these questions on a Dictaphone. Then I set up my Camera and recorded a complete dry run of the interview. When I watched this back I was able to pick up on anything I needed to be aware around my speech and also what my answers were like. This was invaluable! I have a soft copy of the questions I prepared for if anyone wants them drop me a mail.

The Interview.
I was interviewed by a panel of two, One male (Company Director), One female (HR Director). At the very start of the interview I couldn’t say my current employer’s name which was all down to nerves but quickly recovered and relaxed. I was asked a couple of tough questions which I had not prepared for but stayed calm and answered them very well (I think!) Overall I was in there almost an hour and I left with my head held high and thrilled that at least in my eyes I did a very good interview. Apart from the small hiccup at the start my speech was never an issue.

I’m still waiting to hear back whether I get to the next round of interviews ( three in total !) so I’ll keep you posted.

As always thanks for taking the time to read this, If you have any comments or questions as always, they are more than welcome.

Charlie.

Is there a cure?

This is part of a reply to a post on http://www.stutteringforum.com/ asking the question above I'd recommend to anyone that they join this site as it is a great outlet for people with speech difficulties like me.

I can only speak for myself here and would never assume anyone is in the same boat as I but I believe that the stammer has two parts

1. The Medical part: There is no known cure for that, doctors don't understand it yet, The way I picture them is like a lay person standing in front of a nuclear reactor with somebody beside them saying "tell me how it works" It will take decades, or centuries to fully figure out how speech works, not to mind say figure out why it doesn't.

2. The psychological part: From the very first moment we discover we cannot speak we started building avoidances to cope with it. Along with them came fear, anxiety and everything emotion we go through when we speak. Is there a cure, No, Can we be happy with ourselves and not allow our speech to dominate our lives. (my Life) I think we(I) can.

Break the habits, and it can be done, People can stop smoking, lose enormous amounts of weight, give up drinking change behaviors, all addictive habits.

Learn and master technique: whatever works for you, personally I've decided to try the McGuire program this coming April in Ireland.

Stay Motivated, I've got my son to thank for that, He's now my engine, my dynamo, the harder and faster I pedal, the brighter my light will shine!

It may be a very long road but the hardest part I have found so far is deciding to get on it.
Charlie.

PS. I've started reading "The seven habits of highly effective people" by Richard Covey I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to start their journey.

PSPS...LOL IF you've read all of this...Thanks for staying with me, I think I'll post this on my blog...I feel great today! I'll keep this feeling for when I don't.

Looking for acceptance

This will only be a quick note as I'm sort of thinking off the top of my head, I'm looking for opinions and suppose I should post this on a board.

Do you think that we look for acceptance more than fluent speakers?

What I mean is have you ever noticed that "normal speakers" can say almost anything without stammering or stuttering or blocking or anything like that. Whereas we (me) I tend to think about what I'm going to say consider the consquences in so far as who's going to say what in reply and whether or not they will reply in positive or negative. Should I give a shit??

If people don't like what I have to say that is their problem. I'm not talking about being offensive or rude to anybody but simple, silly things like asking a family member or friend for a favour, almost subconscienciously I'm auditing their response for rejection even before I ask the question.

I've spent years alone in my head, every negative thought reinforcing the previous one and compounding my fears and anxiety around my speech. I've never really made a proper connection with anyone enough to talk about this but today....I'm going to start. Maybe it has nothing to do with my stammer, maybe it has, and therein lies the challenge.

The Interview

I was 16 when I got my first job, it was as a car tire fitter and it was through my brother, who had worked in the garage previous to me that I got the job. He pulled a few strings and I was told to show up the following morning (that was the end of my summer! And it was only the first week in June) at the time my speech was a major issue for me, I had been through a tough time in school that year and would often come home exhausted having tried to get through the day without having to say anything. The big morning came and to the best of my memory I don’t think I had thought too much about how I would introduce myself, Remember I hadn’t gone through any interview and the manager had never laid eyes on me before!

When I Got to the Garage I rode in on my bicycle and walked up to the guy in the office, “Hi my name is…….” And that was as far as I got. I broke out in a bog of sweat and after about an hour the manager was able to find out who I was and why I was there! For the first couple of weeks after that I don’t think I said two words in there, I just did what I was told and things went fine.

Jump fifteen years or so years to today, having gone through speech therapy and dozens of interviews since, some good some bad I’m a successful Senior Manager and a different person in many ways to that teenager back then. Even though my speech is 100 times better, I still have a stammer, and more to the point I still avoid situations and words that I “know” I’ll get stuck on. So to start to put an end to these avoidances I’m tackling them one by one. This week it was the Interview.

I suppose it wasn’t really as I expected because I had no intention of changing jobs, but even still I felt the usual butterflies and tension before going in. It was a relatively small agency hiring for Management positions.

My first hurdle was having imagined and played through my entrance a couple of times to prepare, When I got to the front door I had to press a buzzer to get in,

“Hi Charlie Boswell, I have an appointment with Catriona for 1:15pm”

I noticed I blocked on my name briefly and also on “Catriona” but not so bad as to appear silent.

Having filled out the usual forms I was ushered into a small office and started the interview. There was nothing that I hadn’t prepared for and after about 45 minutes it was all over. The biggest negative was that after about 5 minutes I started to sweat like a pig waiting for slaughter, This is something I’ll have to research and work on more as it happens anytime I’m put under pressure in a speaking situation, whether I’m fluent or not.

My tips and advice for an Interview.
Preparation is the key I know it’s the old cliché but it is true, even more so for somebody with a stutter or stammer. How I prepared was to rehearse all the usual questions I would be asked and also for anything that if I was asked would make me feel uncomfortable or under pressure. I also worked a lot on my mental preparation, I’m reading Stephen Covey’s book The Seven Habits of highly Effective People at the moment, and a lot of what he says can be applied to preparing for an interview.

Just into the first habit “Be Proactive” he discusses how people can choose their response to any given situation or person, I have a stammer, I can either choose to accept that and focus my attention on finding the knowledge, skills and desire to become more fluent and more comfortable with myself and my speech, or, I can listen to all my negative thoughts and feeling and continue down a path of life long low confidence, low self esteem, avoidances and so on. I hope you can guess the path I’m on!

So I chose to be relaxed, and when I did stammer, I didn’t allow myself any negative thoughts or feelings get the better of me.


Tip 1: “I can choose to have a positive or negative experience in this interview” Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

Tip 2: Be proactive, Set up interviews for jobs you know you don’t really want, you can review them afterward, see it as practice for the big interview you are aiming for.

Tip 3: I bring a piece of paper with me everywhere these days, on it are seven key beliefs of high achievers, which I read in a Paul McKenna’s “Instant Confidence” book a while ago, they struck a chord with me when I first read them and I read them now at least once a day
They are:

Seven key beliefs of high achievers.
1. You are the expert on you
2. You are not broken, you do not need to be fixed
3. You already have all the resources you need to succeed
4. You can accomplish anything if you break it into small enough chunks
5. If what you are doing is not working, try something else
6. There is no such thing as failure, Only feedback
7. You are creating your future NOW!

Finally,
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope it makes sense. If you can take even one thing out of it that’s a start!

As always any comments greatly appreciated.

Charlie.