Motivation

I should start by apologizing to myself, For once again starting off with a goal in mind and then leaving it drift off like pushing a paper boat out to sea - watching it drift away. Well over the last couple of weeks that’s what I have done. Fuck All!

I certainly have pushed out my comfort zones, I had started to make a lot more disclosures to family and friends, even my boss in work and guys working for me in the office. But have I put in the hard work that is needed to achieve what I set out in earlier blogs? No, I don't think so.

I have tried a few times working on keeping eye contact, sometimes with success, other times looking away as soon as I open my mouth. As I have probably said before, I have signed up for the McGuire course in April, but I'm worried that I'll piss away the knowledge I'll gain when I start to lose interest or motivation in another couple of week after it When I signed up for it at the start of the year I was looking forward to it, Earlier in the week for the first time I caught myself starting to panic at the thought of going to the course.

So here I am, writing from the cuff, and I suppose after three months the best way to get motivated again is to review my progress. So here goes....

One of my initial goals was to push out my comfort zones around my speech and my stammering. The most recent attempt at this was yesterday, I went into Halfords in Cork to buy a new bicycle for myself, and spent about a half hour chatting to the assistant in the store, admittedly he was about half my age and to be honest I think he was more nervous serving customers than I was with my speech.

I also made a disclosure to my brother, I know it sounds crazy but we have never actually talked about it, I think it makes him a little uncomfortable, I only mentioned in passing about attending the McGuire course but to me it was a first. by the by...he barely acknowledged I had said anything.

I made a disclosure to a couple of people in work and these went well, I'm actually surprised at how different my perception of my speech is to the perception others have of my stammer. Most said that it was never something they really took any notice of. That surprised me - and gave me heart.

In his book (which I started reading and then put down again) Stephen Covey says that to succeed at anything, a person must have three things; Knowledge, Skill, and desire. If I apply this to my situation I have the knowledge, I am aware of my stammer and how it affects me. I have the Desire to change, to change my comfort zones, to change my perception of my stammer and how I perceive others perceiving me ( if that makes sense!)

I think where I am is I lack the skill, the skills and techniques to start making the big steps forward with my speech. That's where the McGuire course is going to come in...I hope.

Ok...I know where I am....I know where I'm going..again..My adrenalin is pumping again at the thought of tackling my speech.

I'm going to have some fun now and ring a hotel and push out my comfort zone some more by intentionally stammering...something which I am dead against but I know that it is something they recommend in the McGuire Program

I'll keep you posted on how I get on.

As always thanks for reading this, any comments or ideas around how you keep motivated with your challenges, not necessarily speech problems let me know.

Charlie.